Por Que Te Enojaste ?

(Why Did You Make Yourself Mad)

     The hot afternoon sunlight came across the deep canyon’s walls at an angle. But in the shade at the base of the two hundred-foot rock wall a cool breeze was blowing over the water. My cousin Neal and I are Bass fishing on a beautiful mountain lake in the Mexican state of Sinaloa. To be honest we were a little peeved about two things. First, the water level in lake Huites had fallen almost eighty feet in two months. This is devastating to the quality of the fishing. Secondly, Neal and I wanted to do some drinking for a change. The trip was all-inclusive for beer, margaritas and liquor. No one in our group had really done any kind of drinking- usually margaritas and beer with dinner. Of course I brought Four stellar bottles of California red wine. Pezzi King Cab 1995, Rabbit Ridge 1994 Sangiovese “Selezione Coniglio”, and Justin Isosceles Reserve 1993. 1993 never got the respect it deserved as a very good vintage in California red wines. The problem at hand, however, is that my cousin (who I don’t see nearly enough) and I had decided to do some drinking. This is usually not hard to do at an all- inclusive resort. Let me start by telling you that the one and only beer they serve, in small bottles only, cannot possibly have any alcohol in it. Fourteen large men drank these beers throughout four days. Not one man got affected-much less drunk. By day four it was not any fun to enjoy a beer on the water. This was not a quality Mexican beer. Unfortunately there was no Negra Modelo or Bohemia to be found. Water and Cokes became the beverages of choice while fishing during

the warm days . Neil and I asked our Mexican guide to return us to the base camp. After a thirty-minute boat ride we arrived at the shoreline base camp. I got a ride to our living quarters above the lake and found two bottles of liquor. We rode thirty minutes back to the canyon and resumed fishing. Unfortunately the two bottles of liquor were eighty per cent empty. What, in my hurried state, had seemed like a lot of liquor made only two weak drinks for each of us. At over two hundred pounds each Neil and I were again refused a small alcohol buzz. Having traveled a long distance and paid a considerable sum of money I began to get angry. How hard should it be to do a medium amount of drinking at an all-inclusive resort in Mexico? Having wasted valuable fishing hours searching for alcohol only made the situation seem worse. The last straw was when the guide wouldn’t stop talking to me. That was a problem I had brought upon myself. I spoke Spanish and he spoke no English. I had spoken to him all day and now that I didn’t feel like talking he just kept on talking. I had been speaking Spanish with the guides all day for four days. I was worn out by the effort of speaking a foreign language for so long. So I snapped backed at the guide that we wanted some peace and quiet so we could concentrate on the fishing. Surprised, the guide asked me why I had made myself mad? In English he would have said why are you mad. But in Spanish the literal translation of ‘ por que te enojaste ‘ is ‘ why did you make yourself mad ‘. Understanding that question in both English and Spanish drove home a very important point. People, events and circumstances don’t make us feel or do anything. We are totally responsible for our feelings, thoughts and actions. The problem is we have willingly given up self-control. The most important power any of us have is the ability to choose our thoughts, feelings and habits. By choosing to live from the outside to the inside we fail to monitor and guard our senses. Left unprotected, we are at the mercy of fear, negativity and anger. Look within yourself honestly and you will see the signs of your own negativity. If anything outside yourself ‘ makes you ‘ angry, mad, disturbed, afraid or sad it’s because no one is managing your life. Well-defined values are essential to doing a good job of steering your life towards well-defined goals. Without values, goals and other tools to provide structure it is too easy to drift aimlessly through life. When adrift in the sea of life we must make do with the meager and varying offerings that drift our way. This is a dismal way to live. How can we be expected to have faith when we are lost to ourselves?

     In truth we can’t. Faith is just one of the many things religion and popular culture expect us to magically have in great supply. I know of only one way to build a strong, loving, joyful life. It is the ancient way. People of all cultures throughout the ages have practiced it. It is not the common way nor is it the easy way. But what could be harder than living a lifetime lost and out of control. The way of the enlightened warrior is to build a rich, satisfying life from the inside to the outside. Principles and spirituality form the deep foundation. Values form the structure that rests atop the foundation. Around the structure dreams, passions and goals form the beautiful veneer of our unique, custom-built life. Building this kind of life is only possible by doing the internal work necessary to know one’s self and to awaken the spirit that sleeps within us all. This internal work is best done in a passive, introverted state. This work is the exploration, organization and development of inner space. This article represents a very brief introduction to an ancient philosophy that has persisted throughout the ages. The beginning always starts with deep dissatisfaction and an honest self-examination.